WAS RUFUS' DAD SO WRONG?

I found this quite inspiring and useful as we started our Last Quarter 2015 Schools&Selected Campuses Tour in Port Harcourt. Am sure every parent and teen will want to see this...

And you may want to quickly answer these questions when you are done. You may leave your comments below and let's get talking...

    1)  In what way(s) was Rufus's father wrong? Was Martha a good sister?
2)       Should the school have suspended Rufus alongside Moses and Chima? `
3)      Should Rufus' mother have reported his behaviour to his father? Would it have escalated the problem at home? Give reasons.
4)       You cannot change the things you tolerate. Can you defend this truth, especially considering Rufus, his habits, and his friends?
5)       Rufus' response to his father's rebuke was to join wrong company. What were the wrong assumptions he made? How could he have avoided his mistakes? 

How could he even say that to me? Was that not abusive? Was it proper? Surely it wasn't! So why should he talk that way to me? These thoughts ran through my mind as I walked away that Saturday morning after my father scolded me. My old man had ruined my mood, so early in the day, just because I left the garage door open. How could he say that I, Rufus, the most intelligent boy in my class, lacked initiative? Imagine that? How can a man say that to his own child, his first son, for that matter? What nonsense! If not for his age, I would have told him what I thought of him! The old man was wrong.

Week after week, I held a grudge against my father. It dragged on for years, but I covered the hurt by enjoying good times with my friends. A couple of neighbourhood kids and I would hang out from time to time. We could talk about anything, and I never felt judged. I could be myself. I never heard words like, “You know the things you are meant to do in this house. The work is shared equally among you. So why do you have to wait to be told before you do anything? And why must you always grumble and complain? You do not even help your siblings when they need it. Even Martha, your sister is more responsible than you are.

Since you can't set a good example for your younger ones, can't you learn from them?" My father‘s cruelly crafted words tore a gully in my heart, allowing bitterness and pain to pierce deep and wide.

Why would he compare me with my younger sister even if she were the perfect daughter? He was so wrong. I had to be right. I was learning things he couldn't teach me. He had no clue about video games, babes school, and the thrill of my new relationship with Susan. All the guys I rolled with had a chick. So why should I be left out? Chores, homework, responsibility, prayer, and church, were all my old man knew wondered how Grandpa raised him. These were new times and nobody was going to raise me like a village boy. They were all wrong.

Wasn‘t mother wrong too? I pondered over our last conversation as I lay in bed. She was the only one truly understood my needs. She let me get away with things my father would have crucified me for. So why was she suddenly turning against me?

Martha and I were home for our mid-term break.  Last night, she came into my room and announced that we needed to talk. “I'm listening,” I said, my eyes trained on my video game “Is it true that you now hang around bad boys?” “Is that what Martha told you?" I barked. “How dare she meddle in my life?” “Leave your sister out of this, Rufus. She told me because she is concerned about you. You should be grateful she came to me, and not your dad. Do you know how he would react if he hears that you now skip classes and roam around school in the company of no-good students?" I paused the game and turned to face her. “I don't care about dad anymore. Let him do whatever he likes.” I ignored the shock on her face. What would he say that he has not already said? He treats me as if I am the worst person on earth. Martha is the perfect child. Father doesn’t care about me, so I don’t care about him either”.

“Rufus I know you are angry with your father, but please, don’t destroy yourself because you want to get back at him. Your sister is not perfect as you say. She also has to endure your father’s harshness from time to time, we all do. What do you think will happen if we all start reacting the way you do?”

I said nothing and went on. “I’ll keep this from dad only because I don’t want any more arguments between you two. Just make sure you get rid of those friends once you go back to school”. As soon as I heard mother’s bedroom door close, I stormed into the kitchen to give Martha a piece of my mind. “How dare your mouth about me? How many times do I  have to tell you to mind your own business? If you so pleased to have a tyrant for a father, should I be pleased too?” mother left a pile of plates in the sink and turned to face me. Her eyes held a tenderness she had managed to preserve in spite of our harsh upbringing.  Is that what you think?” She asked her voice ever so tender. She was only fifteen but she had the composure of a full-grown woman.

I didn't hate my sister, I was just angry that she was used as the standard for me. “You think I'm happy that dad is always hard on us?

I'm not pleased any more than you are. But your rebellious attitude is only making things worse for you. The reason I endure dad's hardness is because I know it won't last forever. Someday I‘l1 grow up and leave here for good.

You're my brother Rufus and I love you, but I still have to tell you the truth whether you like to hear it or not. If you go on like this someday you’ll realize the hard way that only you will face the consequences of your actions.”

I went back to school and the groove continued. Nobody was going to control me or tell me how to live my life. I had to put up with their nagging at home and live by their rules, but here in school I was the boss.

Then one day my friend, Balogun, was shot and within a week, Moses and Chima were expelled from school. A weekend of madness forever altered our destinies. I didn't know the little smoking and casual talks about hard drugs were no joke. My rolling guys often rode the dark horse. My heart raced during Monday assembly and then I heard my name, “Rufus Udoh, see the vice principal in her office immediately after the assembly! ”

I dragged my feet into the VP's office,  expecting the worst. When I saw my father, sweat beads appeared on my forehead and stained my shirt armpits even though the air conditioner had cooled the room. Had he come to take me back home? Was I also on suspension? Perhaps, dad had pleaded with them not to announce my name publicly. I'm finished. I'm gone. Was this the day Martha had talked about? Was I about to face the consequences of my rebellion? I wished I had listened.

 My tough façade broke as my knees gave way “Son, why are you crying? My father hugged and steadied me in such a calm manner. Was he pretending? “Daddy I am so sorry It was mistake. I should not –“

“Oh, don't bother. Your VP told me that you lost a hundred naira t you lost a hundred naira out of your tutorial fee so I decided to come in and pay for it. But I just felt like saying hello to you. When I arrived, I learned you were in the assembly, so I pleaded if they could allow me to see you.”

I was both shocked and relieved I stared at the old man. Once again, he was so wrong. I hadn't lost a hundred Naira out of the five hundred Naira tutorial fee. It was never missing. It was stolen by the lust of Mama Nkechi’s moi-moi, the greed of gambling, and the pride of my girlfriends upkeep. Was this the end of my two~week-old lie?

I opened my mouth to tell another well-crafted lie, when my impromptu speech was interrupted, Mr Chidi, aka Mr Discipline, dragged a student into the VP’s office.

“We have found him!" he announced as if he had won the lottery. The VP sprang to her feet, ignoring us. “Where?”

“His expulsion must have taken him by surprise. He ran and hid in the dormitory as soon as he heard his name at the assembly. He forgot that I was once a student myself. Now he must tell us the names of the other members of his gang.”

Moses, my main man, stood before the VP like a cow at the abattoir. Our eyes met and held. I was sure my name was on his lips.

I was his friend, but was I also a member of his gang? “Oh, I'm sorry that you have to witness this Mr Udoh,” the VP suddenly remembered her manners,  “but if you were at the last

PTA meeting, we told parents that we were prepared to flush out bad eggs among the students. These set of boys went wild over the weekend and justice has caught up with them.”

“Oh, not a problem, Ma. I thank God that my son is not one of them. He is such a disciplined and God-fearing kid, and we are so proud of him.”

Moses opened his mouth wide. I used my eyes to beg him to spare me. “You are a disgrace to your parents,” my father scolded Moses, “speak up boy, and let's deal with those gang members. Why should you suffer alone?” Anger animated Moses' face. Game up! I looked away from Moses to Mr Discipline and the VP, and then I stared at my father's excited face.

I wish he knew how wrong he was. When I heard Moses clear his throat to speak, I fainted.

I woke up hours later in the hospital. No sermon could be as convincing as the events of the past Few davs I knew what I had to do.

Daddy had been wrong. My problem was more than house chores and ill treatment of my siblings. I knew I had to change my friends and drop those destructive habits. Mindsets and behaviour patterns don't change overnight, especially when they are still tolerated or aren't confronted with deep truths. I was given a second chance at school and I struggled initially when I returned, but pride and shame gave way to counseling and mentoring.

Like an outdated software program I underwent a delete and upgrade intervention. No more garbage came into my mind so no garbage went out Soon I stabilized. I broke free. Looking back at Balogun Moses and Chima: looking at the time wasted to rebuild my broken wall looking back at the stupidity of my hypocrisy, I wish my daddy had known early enough how wrong he was.

  [Culled From I Wish I Knew This Before I Was 14 – Tekena Ikoko. You should buy a copy of it!]

A few Pics from a Secondary School Reach Out!